What if you could actually plant a kiss?

On our beach vacation a few weeks ago, we stopped at Barnes and Noble to pick up a few road trip books for the drive home. There, shimmering on the shelf of new picture books, sat this book, “Plant a Kiss” by one of my favorite children’s book authors, Amy Krouse Rosenthal.

In this book, a darling little gangly gardener girl named “Little Miss” decides to plant a kiss in her garden. She invites sunshine, she waters, she “greets” the place where the kiss is planted. She repeats the process.

She waits… she waits… she loses faith… she pouts… and then, as with things we cultivate with love, just as she’s about to give up… a sprout! A kiss sprout is born!

She rejoices! She gathers her friends to share! They contemplate how to handle this precious growing kiss crop.

Should she bottle it up and keep it safe? Will it disappear if they let it get out?

As you might guess, sweet Little Miss decides to share the kiss crop. She gives it away in every way, under every condition she can… snow, rain, with a bow!

And when she is all done, tired and ready to take a break, guess what happens…

Yep, that one little kiss that Little Miss cultivated and shared abundantly, turned into “endless bliss~~~~~~!”

To see a sweet little video of the book, go here.

I hope this Sweet Saturday story feeds your soul

I wonder if this story’s metaphor resonates for you in your business, speaking or personal life, as it did mine? Would love to hear in the comments.

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I am one privileged woman.

I have a couple of degrees and do work that feeds my soul. I have a supportive husband, a cozy home, three healthy daughters who do well in school and make friends easily. I have smart and caring friends myself.

Who the hell am I to complain about anything?

Who am I to feel crazy and overwhelmed, confused and stuck?

Right?!

I have always known that I am way too lucky in my life to complain about the “inconveniences” I experience. My cross-country move and the unexpected struggles of house, kids and  missing support that came from that. A giant shift in our parenting structure… I could list it all out, but really, does it matter?

There are people out there who have no home, not enough food and kids who are sick.

These are real problems.

They experience violence and other horrors regularly. Even my childhood – while there were awful, scary and traumatizing periods – was mostly safe and comfortable.

When you live with the kind of gifts in your life that I do – shelter, food, love around me – and you are even remotely conscious, you learn how important it is to be grateful for what you have. There is even research to support that gratitude is the way to happiness. You learn that if you wallow in the “small difficulties”, you certainly won’t manifest the “good things” in life we seek.

Focus on the good. Be grateful for what you have.

Do not complain about your “white people problems” (just do a search of that phrase to see what I mean.)

One day, in the haze of immense overwhelm that I had no right to feel I turned left in my car in front of an unsuspecting woman going 40 mph down an edge-of-town road.

I never saw her.

I was so busy looking up at that green light, saying out loud to myself (because I couldn’t hear well enough in my foggy, overstuffed brain), “It’s green, it’s green, it’s green.”

I forgot to say that part about “turning left” out loud. So, I never  heard it. I turned right in front of her.

There were airbags, emergency vehicles and huge traffic backups. People came to my car to check on me, walk me to the side of the road.

I was petrified to look in the other car, to see what might have happened to the driver.

I am so lucky that she wasn’t badly hurt.

I am so lucky that I wasn’t badly hurt, either. I am lucky for a lot of things that I am too afraid to say out loud (like the imagination of a school bus coming down that same road that haunts me still today.)

I spent the next two months in absolute internal horror.

I couldn’t hate myself more for what I had done. I told myself all day long how terrible I was:

I knew I wasn’t safe on the road.

I knew I wasn’t thinking straight.

But I just didn’t know how to explain it. I thought I could strong-arm the overwhelmed, confused feeling – “grateful” my way out of it.

Evidently not.

One afternoon about eight weeks after my accident, I opened a copy of “O” magazine

It was laying on a side table in my living room. I was hoping to find some distraction from my internal angst. In it was an article by Martha Beck on burnout. Although “burnout” sounded like a lightweight problem to me at the time, I decided that reading some Martha Beck was better than listening to more of my internally violent self-talk. So, I turned to the article. As I read along, my mouth fell open so wide that midway through the article the whole inside of my cheeks and tongue were nearly cracking with dryness.

This article was about me.

I read the line: “By now you may have a serious illness (heart disease, an autoimmune disorder) or have been in a car accident.” and my head began to spin (just on the inside – I think.)

I was simultaneously comforted and confused. “THIS is burnout?,” I thought. I had been “burnt out” before but it was mostly on things like Thai food, or romantic comedies or any other preference I had previously overindulged in my life. This did NOT feel like that kind of “burnout.”

Burnout as a psychological and life issue is completely misunderstood and under-treated.

When I dug into burnout further, I saw so many indicators that I was experiencing in my life. I also saw pieces of my friends lives and my clients lives in the descriptions.

Here are some of the other burnout symptoms I experienced:

• I gained 25 pounds. Anxiety-eating
• I awoke tired (but antsy to get up)
• I felt confused and had a very hard time making decisions
• I had low self-trust
• I had very little patience (this can get confused with professional “drive” but don’t let it fool you)
• I fought with my husband way more than usual
• I couldn’t hold onto a “happy” feeling for very long
• I felt really, really, really stuck

I wonder if any of these are familiar to you or someone you know who is feeling really stuck in their life? (Please note: these symptoms can be signs of other psychological and physical issues as well, so if you have a bunch of them – do get them checked out with a professional. I am not an expert on this topic, to be sure.)

Given that these symptoms are so familiar to me – and I can think of at least three people that I know with whom that list would resonate immediately - Why don’t we talk about this phenomenon more?

Why aren’t we shouting from the rooftops the dangers of letting the stress pile up inside of us like this?!

I suspect it’s because – like me – so many “privileged” people don’t believe they have a right to see their stress and overwhelm as a real problem. They don’t have the right to “complain” or seek help when there are so many “worse” problems out there.

Let me be clear here: food, shelter and safety are bottom-line essentials for life. Every single human being deserves these. I do not mean to hold these problems up against each other in any way.

Everyone deserves peace, too.

In fact, without Inner Peace, we can be dangerous to others and ourselves. I learned that in a very scary, visceral way first-hand.

Inner peace deserves radical focus.

The good news is, in the six months since this difficult period of my life I have found some amazing strategies to re-embrace my sanity again (and again and again.) Many of them actually help me feel significantly better immediately.  I invite you to use as many of them as feel great to you.

• Go for a walk outside. Walk fast, for as long as you can. Study the trees, flowers, cars… tell yourself all about what you are seeing. Stay focused on the world outside your head.
• If you can’t go outside, close your eyes and picture going outside for a walk in a place you love. Do the same as above, including only focusing on telling yourself about what you see on your imaginary walk.
• Put on uplifting music and sing along. (ONLY uplifting music is allowed. Sad music will make you feel worse.)
• Paint, write, or otherwise engage in artistic expression. Do not write about the pain. Take yourself somewhere else.
• Breathe deeply into your belly – such that your belly extends outward – then release all of the air completely. Do this slowly, three times at least. Feel your body relax.
• Do some yoga or meditation, if those feel comfortable and supportive to you. (Now is not the time to beat yourself up for not being able to “let go of thoughts.” If you struggle with this part, then go do something that helps you let go of thoughts like the first or second activity in this list.)
•  Check your self-talk. So many of us have gotten used to an internal voice that beats us up a lot. It’s this crazy ingrained thing for so many of us. Begin listening in – and rephrase those mean thoughts into ones that are more loving and supportive. Tell yourself the truth (you won’t believe or trust yourself if you try to do otherwise) – just look for the compassionate truth, like you would for a good friend who needs support. **This is a big one. Do it every day.

All of these immediately available strategies have helped me get unstuck from the worst of this “burnout.” While I still fall into the struggle at times, I can quickly get back to relative peace by picking something from the above list and doing it ASAP.

Today, I feel unstuck. I feel open and ready to flourish. I have let go of the burnout.

And it’s clearer to me than ever before that my greatest job in this life is to be peaceful, open and brilliant.

That to go to the next level in facilitating maximum self-expression in my clients and in my own life, it’s time to open up the inner flow bigger, broader and more expansive.

So from now until the end of summer, my world revolves around Inner Peace.

The Summer (and Spring) of Inner Peace.

~Project: Inner Peace~

I will read, write, sit, walk, dance, yoga, meditate (quite imperfectly, you should know), and commune with nature in whatever ways facilitate Inner Peace.

I will build sand castles in the backyard sandbox with my daughters as shrines of Inner Peace.

I will cook meals and walk my dogs in homage to Inner Peace.

I will swim with the dolphins (okay, my three squiggly girl-shaped dolphins) to promote Inner Peace.

I am doing this for me, yes. But I am doing it for you, too. I am doing it for the world.

~Peaceful me, peaceful you, peaceful everyone, everywhere.~

I’ll be sharing the journey here on my blog. I hope you’ll join me.

Thank you, Jurvetson, for this beautiful dolphin image.

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I wrote an article as a guest writer for business coach amazingness, Stephanie Pollock, which you can read on her blog today. If you’ve wondered about my eBook, Soul Power to Your Message, this article is a good taste of what you’ll find in that program. This post has a really good intro to my Expression Elan process (which my clients absolutely LOVE.) Also, it’s a good reminder to get your copy of Soul Power to Your Message now because it will go into (re)writing retreat in **10 Days** (April 15th), emerging as a fuller, my Why-full version – with a price tag.

Go here to read the Speaking Artistry post on Stephanie Pollock’s blog.

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The ocean is roaring outside the patio door as I write this post.

I can’t see it because it’s still too dark to see anything outside. My three daughters are breathing their little baby sleep breaths in the other bedroom.

We are on vacation.

A much needed vacation after a year of crazy upheaval – a move across the country, three subsequent moves to get into our final home plus a remodel, new schools, new friends and a lot of unexpected twists and turns. I can’t remember ever needing a vacation like I needed this one.

And yet I “work” during pockets of this vacation.

I write blog posts, reply to emails, plan speaking gigs, schedule videographers. I reflect on business plans while I toss jellyfish back to safety in the sea.

It’s not all I do. But I happily invite “work” into my vacation.

Why do I do this?

I do this because my “why” of my work is soul-inspired.

I do this work because I am absolutely certain that our world is a better place when each of us is authentically, powerfully expressed. And being a part of that “work” makes my heart sing (in the words of my lovely friend, Nancy Jane Smith.)

I consider it my responsibility to share my divinely given gifts in service of a mentally and emotionally peaceful world. Since I have been shown the way to getting unstuck, sharing my message with the world on stage, and taking my own beloved anxiety to tea all the while, I know for sure that others with a powerful, meaningful, life-changing message can do the same.

I know that you can do the same.

Now matter how nervous you are.

No matter how stuck you feel.

I want you to know that you can unstick yourself and get that message out, make the difference you so want to make.

As for me… In the center of my gut, I get it that this is the way I change the world – helping soul-inspired people get their message out, change real lives with their expertise.

Ultimately, it is this Why (plus an immense drive to create) that keeps every soul-inspired business owner that I know doing unexpected things like planning their next book while picking up seashells on the beach.

I hope you’ve already downloaded Soul Power to Your Message.

I hope even more that you are digging in, putting it to work for you and the lives you will make better with your message. The feedback about the book as been phenomenal. I am grateful, humbled and thrilled that more messages are getting out because of this book.

And – it’s time for Soul Power to Your Message to wear its Why more prominently.

It’s time to wrap the how-to in it’s glorious ballgown of stories and examples that will help you understand even more how much it matters that you get your message out, too.

The next version of Soul Power to Your Message will have a price tag.

I’ve been told over and over that the version that’s out now should have a price tag, too. But I am thrilled I’ve been able to give it away for free. I love that it’s doing it’s work in the world already.

So, let this message inspire you to do two things:

1. Let your Why inspire you to do what it takes to change real lives with your message. Get out there, make the difference you know you can make.
2. Download Soul Power to Your Message before April 15th. After that date, it will be on retreat, getting rewritten and flourished into an even more  powerful tool for your big self-expression.

Now, the sun and the babes have risen and it is time to dig our toes into the sand.If you like this article, I bet you’ll also like…

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“Just listen to your body. It will tell you what is the right thing to do.”

I bet you’ve heard that before, right?

Frankly, I get a little annoyed by statements like that. First of all, my body may not intend to lie, but since I have had my share of trauma and other side effects of being alive, sometimes my body’s sirens go off at times when it wouldn’t serve my life overall to back away from the supposed “danger.” If I simply listen to my body without regard for other factors, because of various scary life experiences, I would actually no longer: drive a car, ride a bicycle, eat pickles (that was one loooong night), camp in the woods, or get on any stage again, ever.

Our bodies can be confusing guides for behavior. Mine sure can be, anyway.

In some ways, because I am trying to live out loud and take risks in service of sharing my message, I have had to ignore my body’s signals. There are just too many times that my body says, “Danger!” when the alternative is playing it so safe that I never get to really make a difference in the world.

Yet I’m attracted to Body Exercises

In spite of my subconscious somewhat dismissive stance on my body’s messages, I am attracted to exercises that help me tune into my body. I’m searching for ways I can use my body’s wisdom without having it’s wisdom take me down too much. When I was reading Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star this weekend, I was pretty amazed to learn that my body has a much larger vocabulary than I was giving it credit for.

Making Myself Feel Horrible

With Martha’s guidance in her book, I got myself all riled up over a horrible situation that would totally suck to be in. Basically, she has you call to mind all of your worst skills  and the people it would be most awful for you to be aroun, then she hands you this scenario where you are stuck in a job doing that stuff you are terrible at being supervised by these people who make you feel terrible about yourself. Wow, did my body react when she slammed me into that scenario. My throat got tight, my chest squeezed, I felt nauseous and my brain was hazy. It was really uncomfortable. 

Making Myself Feel Awesome

Then, she takes you through a very similar process where you answer a bunch of questions about all your strengths and brilliance, people who light you up and make you feel amazing about yourself. She blossoms a scenario where you get to spend all day doing this work that feeds your soul and makes you feel brilliant and alive, surrounded by the people who bring out the best in you and you enjoy immensely. Ooh, did I love that exercise! I got so excited that my throat tingled, my heart danced in my chest and my tummy had a whole bouquet of butterflies fluttering in it. I felt awesome. 

Holy moly – did you notice that?!

I was astounded at the similarity in my body’s signals of “awesome” and “awful.”

I’ve been so confused by my body in large part because my body’s “excited” signals are so wildly similar to my “fear” signals. In both cases, my throat has a leading role – as does my tummy and my chest. Hello?! No wonder I am so annoyed by those “your body always knows” comments.

Turns out – my body does know

…but I didn’t know how to listen to my body.

I didn’t realize how intricate my body’s communication system really is. Even in the five days since I did that exercise I have become far more in tune with my body’s signals. As a result…

I made some really fabulous decisions this week, thanks to my body

• Walking away from the computer and going for a walk when I was really stuck in my writing. It totally unstuck me! I would have “pushed through” before not realizing that my body was saying “no” to the computer right now. My fluttering heart on that sunny, tree-blossom-filled walk sure did reinforce the “yes”, too.
• Declining a meeting request that was simply not part of my Beautiful Living agenda right now, even though I knew it would disappoint the meeting organizer. That was hard for me (tightened throat for a moment) but noticing how that tightened throat shifted to a tickly one was a great lesson in the wisdom of my brilliant throat.
• Driving my daughter to school this morning with my husband, even though we were running late and Grammy was there to do it for us. You should have seen her 4-year-old giddy, happy face as she walked into school with Mama on one hand and Daddy on the other. I thought the butterflies in my tummy might escape through my mouth, they were so excited.

It’s going to take more practice, but I am totally hooked. My decision-time on stuff just substantially decreased. I can also report that I will be doing way more stuff that makes my throat flutter and way less stuff that makes it tight – now that I know the difference! I am absolutely certain that this new body listening thing is going to make sharing my message powerfully even easier, now that I know how to hear the nuances. I wonder if you’ve got a signaling system in your body that could use some fine-listening? Something to consider.

I’m so curious… what signals does your body give you for “yes” and “no”? Does it ever confuse you? I’d love to hear about your body signals in the comments.

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I hit the “Start” button on my iPhone to begin my 15 minutes, twist my legs into a pretzel and slowly close my eyes. Deep breath in… then out. Again. Ahhhh… I made it. I made it to the floor today. I made it to the nirvana of an empty mind.

Then…

I should write a blog post about meditating. I can write about how helpful it is to clear your mind as you tap into the essence of your message. Oh shoot. I’m thinking. Maybe I should write about monkey mind and how it’s such a frustrating experience. I think this would really help my community because they are such conscious people, many of them meditators themselves.

Ooh, I’ll write about monkey mind and the will to write! How my mind could not let go of this concept of writing a blog post about the experience of monkey mind. It’s kind of a funny irony that I will have written about something I was thinking while meditating since the idea behind meditation is not holding onto any thoughts.

Well, that’s not right! Then they’ll think I don’t know how to let go of my own thoughts. This will show what a lousy meditator I am. Okay, then. I will let this thought go and if I still have it when I am done meditating, then I’ll write about it. But it won’t be because I thought about it the whole time. Now, let it go…. let the thoughts float by… ahh, that feels good. Nice.

[peaceful, open, quiet...]

Actually, I’m just going to do one thing before I stop thinking. I’m going to use some of those imagery memory tricks I learned from Jim Kwik of Kwik Learning. I’m going to picture Simone in her monkey jammies. Wait, I need to add the writing part. Actually, I will picture a writer in Simone’s monkey jammies. Who should I picture? Hmmm…

Oh, come on! This is silly. Stop thinking and let this go! You’re going to miss your whole meditation and you won’t have time to do a whole new round. Now, breathe out… good. Nice…

[Quiet, peace, openness...]

Jeez, it seems like it’s been more than 15 minutes. I wonder if I somehow never actually hit start on the timer… oh, I know I did. This is just that part where I get antsy when I’ve been quiet for a bit.

Well, I’m just going to check real quick… just real quick.

Oh, okay – 46 seconds left.

[Quick settle back into position]

[quiet, peaceful, open...]

Ahh, this is nice...

Ding, ding, chime. Ding, ding, chime.

I fling up to standing and leap to my computer. I remembered what I wanted to post about today!

Thank you, Starmist1, for the lovely incense meditation timer image. Perhaps if I had begun with such a soulful system, things would have gone differently.If you like this article, I bet you’ll also like…

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Every time I speak to a room full of people, I get new clients.

It feels pretty awesome to have people literally hand you their business card and say “call me” as you walk back to your seat after speaking. The experience of seeing that line form around you after your speaking event, full of people who want more of your time and talent, is exhilarating.

That right there is an excellent reason to speak to a room full of people for free. If you do a remarkable job of it, that free gig will very likely pay – just on another day, with a client or a paid speaking gig. There’s a good chance it will pay a few times over because that room full of people just got a sample of your brilliance. They’ll want more of that goodness.

But that’s not the only reason to speak for free. In fact, it may not be the most important reason you should get out there and speak as often as you can to audiences that will love your message.

Here are three more reasons to speak for free:

1. You can test out your message.

2. You can hone your speaking skills.

3. You will increase your authority in your area of expertise.

Let’s take them on one at a time.

Testing out your message

If you listen to the nonverbal communication your audience sends during your presentation, you will learn volumes about what touches their soul and resonates with their needs and desires. You’ll see faces light up, heads nodding… or you’ll see blank stares and perplexed faces. When you’ve got a room full of people whose heads are nodding nearly off their shoulders, you know you’ve got yourself a good topic. Likewise, that room full of flat air tells you that you are missing the mark on the hot desires of your audience and it’s time to go back to the drawing board on your message. It’s market research in a flash. Incredibly useful.

You can hone your speaking skills

Let’s face it, the expectations at a free gig are not nearly as high as those at a high-paying event. This means two things: 1. the pressure is eased a bit on being over-the-top amazing as you learn and refine your amazing speaking skills, and 2. You can blow them away easier than you think. I recommend that you take advantage of both of those truths. Push yourself to provide shockingly awesome value with your presentation. Blow them away with the usefulness of your content and the excellence of your presentation. And give yourself the room to try out a few things, test your edges, put learning right up there next to excellence as a goal (even at the risk of some nervousness on your part.) Let this be an opportunity to see what you can really do at your current level of speaking ability and let it change you, let it make you a better speaker all in one day.

Quick story: I once did a very short free talk at a networking event during which I memorized three different “elevator speeches” (I call them “Hello Intros”) of others in that networking group. I generally do not work from memorization (and I don’t recommend that you try to either, for the most part) but I really wanted to share these examples without reading them. Even with my notoriously bad memory, I got all three of them mostly right and I watched the delighted faces of others in the group as I shared those tidbits. I learned how powerful it is to bring in real information about the members of the audience I am speaking with and I learned that I actually can memorize when I need to (in small-ish bits.) Not so incidentally, I also engaged two new clients that evening.

You will increase your authority in your area of expertise

Think of the last time you watched someone brilliantly share their expertise from the stage or front of the room. Were you not mesmerized and impressed? Of course you were. Because we all know that it takes not only courage and bravery to stand up there and say our stuff but it also takes true smarts and cleverness to say it in a way that really pulls us in and actually makes life better for those of us in the audience. There is power in public speaking – power to change lives, make a difference, have a real impact. When we see this happen at the hands (voice, movement, storytelling, courage…) of a person, we see authority. When we do this ourselves – we feel the authority. And maybe that matters most of all for these purposes.That sense of authority leaves that room with you and joins your next sales call, your next product creation and your next launch. Don’t underestimate it’s monetary value as well.

Getting a fat paycheck to speak is good. It’s great, actually. And maybe you’ll decide to mix that in to your speaking career (don’t rule it out!) But there are some mightily great reasons to get in front of the right audience (those who want and need what you have to say) at no cost to them. If you approach the opportunity the right way, you and they will both cash in on the experience in many ways – a delicious gift to them and you (kinda like this lovely gift box cake by Ken’s Oven above.)

I’d love to hear your stories about speaking – paid and not – and what gifts you’ve received from the process. Will you tell me your story in the comments or via email at michelle at michellebarryfranco.com?

I wrote this post in support of Women’s Money Week.Women’s Money Week is about encouraging women to speak up about money, take control of our finances, and reshape our financial future. Go check out all of the great women writers living debt free lives, using money in truly fun and world-changing ways, and otherwise doing awesome stuff with increased cash and decreased money stress. Not so incidentally, *my brand new Ebook*, Power to Your Message, is among that great stuff in that mix. It’s the only way you can get my ebook right now.