How to Find an Extraordinary Nanny

June 18, 2011 By 2 Comments

One of the ways I deal with my conflict over motherhood and work is by finding a truly amazing caregiver for our girls for when Jim or I are away from them. I have had exceptional luck with finding truly loving, compassionate, awesome people to take on this role and I have been asked often how I find them. Here’s how:

I post an ad on Craigslist.

People are often surprised by this, but here’s why I do it:

  • I can write as much as I want in the ad, describing what I’m looking for in a caregiver.
  • I get a lot of responses – plenty to pick through.
  • Lots of cool people use Craigslist to look for jobs.
  • It’s free and easy.
  • I can change the ad easily.

I compose a Nanny/Caregiver Wanted ad with a lot of detail.

It shares not only the basics of what I need (days, hours, times) but also describes our parenting approach, our “no technology” rule, our desire to find a long-term caregiver, lists the pay range and tells them how much we will appreciate them if they take great care of our babies. I believe that this longer, descriptive, over-communicative (they might as well learn early on that I’m an over-communicator!) ad narrows the responses down to people who are attracted to a situation like ours.

I collect responses to the ad in an email folder for 4 days to a week.

Depending on how many responses I get and how quickly, I wait a bit to see what the “pool” is looking like. I make notes on a pad of paper to keep track of my first impressions from their emails. Basically, I write their name then things like: “really fun” or “focus on loving care” or “loves crafting and park play.” If I’m not impressed, I write “unimpressed.” This way, when it comes time to respond (and I try to respond to everyone who writes a meaningful response to the ad), I know who I want to say “no thanks” to right away.

I call the top 3-4 applicants and have a casual conversation with them.

I ask them things like, “So, what made you respond to our ad?” and “What do you like to do with kids?” In my experience, it’s less important that they have years of Nanny experience (though they have to have cared for kids before to take care of three girls for long periods of time.) It’s more important that they are excited about being with kids and that they get it about what makes kids happy. They also must have fed, diapered (when ours were in diapers) and put kids to bed before. Those are totally higher league ball games than just playing with them and I don’t want to do all of the training there.

We talk a lot about driving and technology.

Since I have taught college classes for over a decade, I know that texting has become a huge communication medium (and often obsession) for many college people. Since college students are the vast majority of respondents we get to our Nanny ads (we only look for part-time), we have a direct conversation early on about the use of technology. Essentially, we make it very clear that we have a “almost no technology” rule. Unless they are texting with us to check in, doing a very quick plan text or phone call with someone in their lives or using the computer for dance music with the girls, there is no technology allowed while they are “working.” If this bothers them early on, then we are not the right family for them. I have found that the people that work out for us in our family are totally happy with that program. Our latest caregiver, when given the “texting speech” said, “Oh my gosh, we are going to be too busy playing outside and having fun to use technology!” That’s what I’m looking for!

As for driving, they must have a clean driving record. They must never talk on the phone or, of course, text while driving (<=this is a link to the story of a girl who died retrieving a text while driving, just to bring the point home) with the girls. It’s just that simple – but we make sure they are on board with this.

If that initial phone conversation goes really well, I invite them to our house.

Often the phone conversation narrows us down to two or three people – sometimes just one person. I try to keep the in-person meeting down to two people (or less) because the girls get involved here and they can get attached easily. This meeting is primarily to get an energetic hit on the person and how the girls – and Jim and I – connect with her. I can tell really early into the meeting how much she genuinely enjoys kids and whether it will be easy for us to communicate. I am looking for both enthusiasm and a sense of confidence as both are critical in taking care of kids.

I call references.

Whichever person seems like the best fit – and this is usually really obvious at this point – I call at least two child care references. These calls tell me a lot about how the relationship might play out. Our best caregivers have references that say things like, “Oh, if I could have her back today, I’d take her. You are SO lucky!”

Finally – nope, we’re not done yet – I invite her for a trial day.

I’m expecting that everything will go beautifully at this point but before I commit, I want to see and hear her in action on her own with the girls. I want to hear how the girls respond to her when I’m not there. Except, I stay home. I go work in another bedroom while she cares for the girls. I can hear them through the door and peak out windows when they are outside. I have never had one of these change my mind, but I always feel so much better doing this last step. I pay her, of course, for her time.

Then, I offer her the position.

I am as clear as possible about pay and hours (though our hours change so much that “clarity” is a little murky.) I offer pay that beats many other jobs available with the kind of flexibility of our caregiver position. I think this helps attract really good people. I thank them profusely for going through the process and tell them how excited I am to have them with us (because I am VERY excited!)

I share my gratitude regularly.

We have wonderful relationships with our previous caregivers for the girls – every one of them. They are family to us. I truly cannot think of a more important job than this one in our lives. I try to let them know this as often as I can, whether it’s bringing home a coffee from the coffee shop when I’m out or trying to come up with the birthday present that I think will truly make her happy and surprised. Mostly, I just tell her how grateful I am and try to get to know her and be meaningfully connected. I want to – she’s amazing, that’s why we chose her!

I know how hard it can be to hand your babes over to someone else so you can get some work done. I feel so lucky that we have found such amazing women to partner with us in caring for our girls – the kind of people that we are excited to leave the girls with because we know they will have a fabulous time. I hope this window into our process helps you in some way get out there and get more of your important work outside your home done, too.

Now, I’ve got to go find myself a dress so we can attend the wedding of one of our most excellent caregivers next weekend! A wedding at which our girls will be the flower girls. That’s how good it can get!

I’d love to hear your process for finding great caregivers for your kiddos. Please share tips, suggestions, stories, thoughts in the comments below.

 

Thank you, Pink Sherbet Photography, for the vibrant image!

Filed Under: life overall, mothering, parenting, village

The Irreconcilable Conflict Between Motherhood & Personal Passion

June 16, 2011 By 4 Comments

I have read just about every modern mothering/motherhood book on the shelves. I have talked to every mother who will let me broach the subject (it’s shocking how many women actually won’t even dive into this topic.) Since my oldest daughter was about one year old, I have been trying to reconcile this wild conflict in my heart, soul and gut around my desire to mother with wreckless abandon – and this fire-in-the-belly need to play “big” in the world outside my home.

I am shocked that it has come to this.

When I was in my 20′s, I worked in high-tech companies as an Executive Assistant. Every single boss I had asked me some version of the question, “Michelle – what do you want to do? You are really good at this business thing. How can I help you move up in this company?” To which I would reply with some version of, “I love what I do now. I get to be in on the big conversations – then I get to go home and not worry about work.” I was in graduate school, so I further explained my lack of desire to move up by my need to preserve energy for my studies.

And then I had a baby. And another. And another. Yup, pretty much that quickly.

And I loved everything about mothering. I loved the nursing all night, co-sleeping, making baby food, researching the best sleep methods. I reveled in conversations with other mothers about ways to care for our kids, the differences in personalities, the struggles of time, energy and being too touched-out to get romance back to its pre-baby fire in our marriages. I was more satisfied and whole than I had ever felt before in my life.

This made sense because I had always expected that Motherhood would be the answer to my intense drive to live my life of purpose and passion.

Oh, I didn’t want to only mother all my life. I didn’t want it to be my everything. I definitely wasn’t going to be one of those mothers (ahem.) I am really driven and I always knew I’d take my ambition out into the work world with real abandon after my kids were older. While they were young, I’d just give them every amazing experience I could create. We’d make chocolate chip cookies with only our hands. We’d swim naked in rivers. We’d skip school and go to the park instead. Maybe I’d even unschool these crunchy, groovy babes. I’d make these amazing organic dinners and they’d eat them. (Surely by this future Mamahood time, I’d learn how to stop burning everything I put on a stove.)

If you know me, you know I still fantasize about this Motherhood life.

The fact is, we’re not that far off. Yeah, the girls eat only about four types of vegetables (but they are virtually always organic.) We go to the park sometimes (though, frankly, I don’t really like going to the park that much.) We do make a lot of chocolate chip cookies and their little baby hands are usually very involved. And, goodness knows not a river is safe from their little naked bodies (my body stays decidedly clothed.)

The major – and really meaningful difference between my fantasies of Motherhood and my experience of it is…

My ambition can’t wait.

Oh, gohd, I’m going to say it: It’s not them, it’s me.

But it’s true – mostly. Sure, there are things about day to day Motherhood that drive me absolutely batty (Is the center of the kitchen floor where everything goes when you are done with it?! Seriously!) But I am powerfully aware every day that I spend with these little girls that I laugh, sing and dance way more when I am with them than when I am doing anything else. Those moments are blissful. I want a zillion of them – and I hate the thought of missing any of them because I am at work.

Work feeds my soul.

It’s like there is a section of my soul that is for work/outside passion/ambition/making a meaningful difference outside my family and a separate section of my soul that can only be fed by my girls. So, when I am with the girls and can’t “work” for a long time, that part of my soul feels sad and lonely and, really, abandoned. When I work too much, that part of my soul that is fed by my babies has its own version of that experience.

The hard part is, both parts of my soul have big appetites. They are very hungry.

I’d venture to guess that lots of people in my life think that I am mostly fine with my ambition and desire to work as it relates to my mothering. Probably because that’s the way I talk about it. I’m not lying about it either. I actually do believe in the upper half of my body (just above my heart all the way to the top of my head) that my job as a mother is to be loving, compassionate, provide safety and play and presence for my kids. I passionately believe that!  And yet, the truth is:

I feel guilty much of the time I am away from my girls at work.

Intellectually I “know” that it is “okay” to not be with your kids, as long as you know they are in safe loving care. But the truth is, my heart and gut is in turmoil when I am away for a big chunk of time (unless they are with their dad) because somewhere along the line I picked up the deep belief (or is it that we are indoctrinated from birth as women??) that I should be with my kids virtually every single second that I am able – that their very health and well-being depends on it.

So, what does a woman do? How do I honor and experience both soul desires without absolutely losing my mind (and giving up too much sleep, which I know serves neither me or them?) And maybe the most important question, which I will explore in future posts (and probably a much bigger project): How do I reconcile these powerful soul drives with the amount of time in a given day without feeling guilty or judgmental or uselessly pollyanna about my choices?

What about you? How do you feel about work, mothering (or parenting), ambition… do you experience conflict? Oh, how I’d love to hear about it! Please share in the comments.

 

Thanks to Exquisitur for this perfect open heart symbol which makes me think of the two parts of my soul at play here.

Filed Under: mothering, parenting

Location Independence & Moving Across Country

May 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

We are moving across the country in less than one month.

Like, totally across the country. If you look a map, put your finger in the center of Oregon on the West Coast, then drag your finger straight across (and south a little), then you will reach Charlottesville, Virginia, and you’d be touching our new home.

When you move a whole family across the country, many questions arise – not the least of which is…

“Do I really need all this CRAP?!”

And since I’ve known that the answer to that  is a resounding “NO!” for many years, I’ve taken this opportunity to give away, sell and otherwise “release” a LOT of Stuff. (How can we not watch this George Carlin clip on Stuff as we broach this topic?) It feels good to slim down, for sure. But it’s also disconcerting. What does it mean that I have kept all of this crap for so long? And, the opposite really, what if I need it again and I end up having to go out and buy it? I can’t answer either, really, until I make the trek and see how it all shakes out.

Location Independence

Meantime, I’m thinking a lot about my goal of the last few years of location independence. This cross-country move is a real test of how successful my venture toward location independence is turning out to be. Essentially, for me, location independence means that I can live and travel anywhere and still make money from wherever I am. It doesn’t mean I don’t work. I’m not looking at early retirement (not yet anyway.) It means that my systems are set up such that I can make my coaching calls, create products and deliver consulting services from anywhere in the world in a way that delights and provides genuine awesome value for my clients. I’ve tested this out many times on vacations, while participating in coaching and consulting calls and providing consulting services while on vacation and it’s worked beautifully. Therefore, it should work very nicely with this cross country move.

Only this is a little different.

Where business isn’t easy.

For one thing, a number of my clients seek me out because I run my business in a place where growing a successful business is not easy (we have an over 13% unemployment rate.) They believe that my experience of substantially growing a business in a place where business is difficult will help them grow businesses where they are. I know that my actual location has nothing to do with my ability to provide coaching and consulting that helps them grow their dream businesses, but that’s not the point. That I am moving away from the difficult spot makes it seem like it’s not possible. Or maybe it’s just that I’m afraid they’ll think that. (I should ask them.)

I learned what works the hard way.

And for the record, it does matter that I learned how to grow a business in such a tricky location. But at this point, I get it about what works and doesn’t – even in a difficult location – and that I can share from any location.

Hell, maybe I’m just afraid that it actually won’t translate. That it’s all been a fluke. That’s possible, too. Rationality doesn’t always sync up with emotions – and my emotions are on a bit of “alert” right now. Truthfully, I know that this stance will serve me with my clients even better than not being connected to the inner turmoil of a cross-country move that tests my location independence (aka business growth success.)

For now, I pack.

Right now, I know that my most important move is to keep getting rid of crap, be sure I know where my headset and iPhone are at all times, and that I spend as much time as possible with my girls as they also traverse the mix of emotions that is a move like this one.

I’ll keep you posted on how it all shakes out. Meantime, if you know anyone who needs infant gear or a box of old sand toys, please send ‘em my way. Oh, and if you’ve got any great tips on how to make a West Coast to South East Coast move go more smoothly, you are warmly invited to send those my way, too.

Thank you, bfhoyt, for the perfect picture of moving boxes. If only mine looked so beautifully organized.

Filed Under: Intentional Life Design, life overall, parenting

The New Michelle Barry Franco (Note: I’m Still Just Me)

January 12, 2011 By Leave a Comment

As you can see, things have changed quite a bit here at michellebarryfranco.com. I spent the last part of 2010 having some really heartfelt conversations with myself and a few things came out of those conversations:

1. I want to express myself completely, authentically and with my whole heart in this life
2. While public speaking is a big part of my past and will continue to be a meaningful part of my future, it is not my whole message – the one I want to shout from the rooftops
3. I am inspired to talk about the entrepreneurial life, parenting, and the intentionally designed life – the Crafted Life, as I like to call it. It’s a message all mixed up together and I Love every aspect of this “spaghetti map” conversation.

So, that’s what inspires this new focus on www.michellebarryfranco.com. I hope this is a conversation you want to have, too, because I am so excited to get into it with you.

And in case you prefer a more dynamic media explanation of things, here’s a video where I talk about the new adventures here at www.michellebarryfranco.com. This isn’t the whole entire story (so many little details, I’ll share them as we go…), but it’s another version in case you care.

I can’t wait to hear what you have in mind in your world for 2011!

Filed Under: Contribution, entrepeneurialism, mothering, parenting, Uncategorized

2011 is The Year of the Table

January 7, 2011 By 1 Comment

As you may know if you have been reading for a few years, every year as one year rolls into the next in celebratory glory, I declare a theme for the coming year. This past year was The Year of Opening. The year before was The Year of Sleep (possibly my most unsuccessful theme of all at that time). Previous years, before I was blogging and such, included: The Year of the Body (went to intensive, fabulous massage training and LOVED it), The Year of Spirit, The Year of the Mind… you get the idea, right?

So, this year is The Year of the Table.

I’m so thrilled about this year’s theme because it embodies so much of what I want to focus on for the coming year: collaboration (some really exciting business joint ventures coming up!), clean eating, quiet family time, increasing my volunteer time and financial contributions… can you see how the table theme can thread through all of this?

In some cases, it is literal.

I want to eat at a table with my family all together more. I want to have a more beautifully set family table. I want to eat really healthy, clean food.

But the table is also a powerful metaphor for many business things coming up and some personal goals, too.

I have a couple of really exciting business collaborations going on with people I really respect and enjoy. I am totally re-inventing this website and blog (again – but this is the last time!) to reflect my deepest overall commitment and message, which feels so good and right and centered. I am coaching clients one-on-one more – and in entirely new domains (personal, overall business coaching, work/life decisions) and loving that connection and Contribution, very much a “sharing a table” kind of feeling, even as we are doing some fabulous, deep, high-impact work.

On the personal front, I am trying to stay home more. My tendency is to pack up the family and go a lot, even just for car rides, running errands, whatever. I want to minimize that this year and enjoy our home more – and the simplicity that comes from not packing and unpacking three sets of snacks, drinks and various other kiddo accoutrements multiple times a day. I am being extra thoughtful about who I spend time with personally – do they feel like someone I’d like to share a table with (or who would enjoy sharing a table with me)? I tend to say “yes” readily and I need to say “no” more if I am going to really enjoy The Year of the Table.

There are other pieces to this, too. And I know it will evolve as every theme does every year. But for the most part, one week in and counting, things are looking very yummy for 2011. I’m excited to share more with you as it all evolves.

How about you? Do you have a ritual you engage at the start of each year – or any other time of the year? I’d love to hear about it in the comments section (or email if you are feeling private about it.)


Thank you Lane & Anne for this lovely table photo at which I can imagine you all shared a gloriously cheery Thanksgiving. How can you not, with that beautiful yellow theme?

Filed Under: business planning, entrepeneurialism, life overall, parenting
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