It’s You Who Should Be Naked

You know not to picture your audience in their underwear, right?

No matter how often you hear that silly advice, never believe it. Don’t even try it. If you picture them in their undies, you will experience a myriad of distracting thoughts – some of which may be enticing, Yes – but none of which will serve you and your speaking.

The point is, you don’t need to put your audience in a less powerful position than you (which is the underlying goal of the underwear advice) to thrive on stage.

In fact, if anyone should near nakedness in this exchange, it should be you.

The best speaking has a lot in common with stripping down - yourself:

  • You reveal layers of you and your experience that will surprise your audience
  • You take risks in storytelling and passionate expression that can feel a bit like wearing a bikini in a mall
  • You allow for in-the-moment spontaneity and honesty, a sudden “peep show” into the workings of your heart and mind
  • You “bear it all” in great speaking, giving everything you’ve got in service of your audience

The honesty, openness and vulnerability in truly transformational speaking is risky. If you are pushing the edges of your own brilliance and self-expression, there is a chance (a certainty, really) that someone will disagree with your approach. It is even possible that you will get feedback that your daring, creative, naked speaking made someone uncomfortable.

Good. Discomfort inspires change. It’s where growth breeds.

Life-changing speaking must be revealing. It takes radical courage to be tranformative. You must remove your protective layers.

It’s a kind of naked.

So, keep your audience clothed – and make sure you have a soft cotton robe handy for afterward. You have earned a delicious lounge in a cozy place to rejuvenate – until the next disrobing event needs you and your message.

Photo credit here.

 

How to Begin Any Daunting Writing (or Speaking) Project

You’ve got a book to write, don’t you?

Or maybe you need to start spreading the word about your book by getting on some stages with your message.

Or maybe it’s time to build your coaching/wellness/counseling practice for real – create a high-impact website, get your message clear. Get a logo and some real business cards.

Here’s the thing about big projects… they’re Big.

They’re hard to wrap our heads around.

We don’t know where to start.

You could tackle them like I did my first book – by sitting down one day to write a 20 page eBook and finding yourself five months later with a stack of professionally designed 200+ page real books in your hand. I never had to “begin” that project because I hadn’t intended to write a real book. I sort of tricked myself into it (and it went great, by the way – but it was still Big.) The problem is, I am never able to intentionally trick myself, are you?

If you know you want to write a book (or craft a speech or build a fabulous website), you might as well just get it going.

Aside from that one surprise book-writing adventure, I’ve sat my fanny down to create some pretty daunting projects. I’ve written pretty long eBooks, created many websites (with the requisite complete rewrite of all web copy) and crafted countless speeches, workshops and trainings from scratch. I also get paid regularly to get my clients to sit their fannies down to do the same. Ultimately, these projects pretty much get done the same way.

So, here are six super S.I.M.P.L.E. ways you can guide your lovely self into that chair and get ‘er done, once and for all.

S = Space Freshen

Vision your fresh work space – then make it happen. I love to get into a completely new environment to get started on a big project. I get a lot done when I am not distracted by client files sitting on my desk or mired in old, frustrated beliefs that sometimes linger in my usual spaces. I often pick a cozy coffee shop one or two towns over from mine, so I’m really not tempted to hit my favorite browsing spots instead of sitting down and writing. If you can’t get away like that for some reason, then clear off your desk of all files and current projects. Bring in your favorite art from another room and hang it in plain sight. Light a differently scented candle in the room. Make the space new and fresh to you. And when you think of freshening your space, also think of creating a wide open space on your calendar as well. Block out the time and color in the block with a fresh green hi-lighter.

I = Imagine

Seriously, spend some time really calling to mind the beautiful finished project. See yourself on stage in that gorgeous outfit, beaming at the riveted audience. Feel that cool, slick book in your hand with your name in clean and vivid typography across the bottom of the cover. Feel those excited feelings in your body as though the end is here now – because it almost is. (By the way, you only get about 15 minutes here because this is NOT the doing. It’s useful and valuable – but you’ve got to do these next four things to get it done!) Enjoy this part! It’s the mindset part that fuels the next step.

M = Make a Mark

Open the word processing document or paper notebook and write something on it. Anything. Write a sentence. This sentence may end up somewhere in the middle of your book, it may be your closing line – or it might get completely rewritten. Just make a mark on the page. Then make another one. This is how creation begins. Let it keep flowing for a while. Worry about nothing else.

P = Pause and Pull Back

After you write for a while and you can feel the process of creation flowing, you will likely feel a natural pause. It’s time to look up from the page. Do that – look up. Pull back from what you’ve written. See it from the outside, as opposed to the gut-level, intestinal view that can happen when we are in the depths of creation. See if it is revealing a structure. Maybe an outline or some edges and headlines. If you see those, pull them out. Make them into their calling (as headlines or an outline.) Don’t make it perfect. Just let it show up and document, an innocent bystander you are.

L = Leave

Now, plant your feet firmly on the ground, engage the muscles in your legs and lift your bottom from the chair. Carry yourself out the door and, preferably, into the sunshine and fresh air (or whatever your air and sky bring you.) If that’s not feasible for any reason, go into a completely different room/environment. Go somewhere private because you are going to talk to yourself and that usually looks crazy to other people (though we all do it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) Walk for a bit.

After 5 minutes or so, ask yourself this: “Hmmm… what did I write in there?” Then tell yourself what you wrote. Not verbatim – just tell yourself the story. When you get to the part where you stopped, ask yourself, “Then what?” and talk some more.

E = Engage Again the Same Day

Now this is really critical! Sometimes that walk outside can inspire us to…oh, say, begin gardening. Or, toss on our wetsuit and do a bit of body surfing. If you’re like me, it might just invite you to bake a giant batch of cookies and listen to some Janis Joplin. But that’s not going to get ‘er done, is it?

So, the last step is to smile at the lovely idea of planting those azaleas that have been waiting in their store-bought pots for a week and promise yourself that you’ll tuck those beauties into their rightful earth-home later today. But for right now, you must go back to the page and make some more marks. Any marks will do, though often richness comes from writing down some of those things you talked about with yourself on that walk you just took. So, do that first.

**Not to get ahead of ourselves here since our only goal in this lesson is to begin, but I’ll give you a hint as to how you finish the project, too… it looks really similar to beginning.**

Now, you dear soul – Well Done! You began. This - beginning at all – is a huge, beautiful thing. Give yourself one of those yummy, stretchy self-hugs and smile inside.

Then, carry on with beginning… over and over, until you are done. 

And remember what they say about eating an elephant…

though frankly, I find that disturbing to even consider.

You can do this! Let me know if I can help.

 

The Wisdom of Your Throat

“Just listen to your body. It will tell you what is the right thing to do.”

I bet you’ve heard that before, right?

Frankly, I get a little annoyed by statements like that. First of all, my body may not intend to lie, but since I have had my share of trauma and other side effects of being alive, sometimes my body’s sirens go off at times when it wouldn’t serve my life overall to back away from the supposed “danger.” If I simply listen to my body without regard for other factors, because of various scary life experiences, I would actually no longer: drive a car, ride a bicycle, eat pickles (that was one loooong night), camp in the woods, or get on any stage again, ever.

Our bodies can be confusing guides for behavior. Mine sure can be, anyway.

In some ways, because I am trying to live out loud and take risks in service of sharing my message, I have had to ignore my body’s signals. There are just too many times that my body says, “Danger!” when the alternative is playing it so safe that I never get to really make a difference in the world.

Yet I’m attracted to Body Exercises

In spite of my subconscious somewhat dismissive stance on my body’s messages, I am attracted to exercises that help me tune into my body. I’m searching for ways I can use my body’s wisdom without having it’s wisdom take me down too much. When I was reading Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star this weekend, I was pretty amazed to learn that my body has a much larger vocabulary than I was giving it credit for.

Making Myself Feel Horrible

With Martha’s guidance in her book, I got myself all riled up over a horrible situation that would totally suck to be in. Basically, she has you call to mind all of your worst skills  and the people it would be most awful for you to be aroun, then she hands you this scenario where you are stuck in a job doing that stuff you are terrible at being supervised by these people who make you feel terrible about yourself. Wow, did my body react when she slammed me into that scenario. My throat got tight, my chest squeezed, I felt nauseous and my brain was hazy. It was really uncomfortable. 

Making Myself Feel Awesome

Then, she takes you through a very similar process where you answer a bunch of questions about all your strengths and brilliance, people who light you up and make you feel amazing about yourself. She blossoms a scenario where you get to spend all day doing this work that feeds your soul and makes you feel brilliant and alive, surrounded by the people who bring out the best in you and you enjoy immensely. Ooh, did I love that exercise! I got so excited that my throat tingled, my heart danced in my chest and my tummy had a whole bouquet of butterflies fluttering in it. I felt awesome. 

Holy moly – did you notice that?!

I was astounded at the similarity in my body’s signals of “awesome” and “awful.”

I’ve been so confused by my body in large part because my body’s “excited” signals are so wildly similar to my “fear” signals. In both cases, my throat has a leading role – as does my tummy and my chest. Hello?! No wonder I am so annoyed by those “your body always knows” comments.

Turns out – my body does know

…but I didn’t know how to listen to my body.

I didn’t realize how intricate my body’s communication system really is. Even in the five days since I did that exercise I have become far more in tune with my body’s signals. As a result…

I made some really fabulous decisions this week, thanks to my body

  • Walking away from the computer and going for a walk when I was really stuck in my writing. It totally unstuck me! I would have “pushed through” before not realizing that my body was saying “no” to the computer right now. My fluttering heart on that sunny, tree-blossom-filled walk sure did reinforce the “yes”, too.
  • Declining a meeting request that was simply not part of my Beautiful Living agenda right now, even though I knew it would disappoint the meeting organizer. That was hard for me (tightened throat for a moment) but noticing how that tightened throat shifted to a tickly one was a great lesson in the wisdom of my brilliant throat.
  • Driving my daughter to school this morning with my husband, even though we were running late and Grammy was there to do it for us. You should have seen her 4-year-old giddy, happy face as she walked into school with Mama on one hand and Daddy on the other. I thought the butterflies in my tummy might escape through my mouth, they were so excited.

It’s going to take more practice, but I am totally hooked. My decision-time on stuff just substantially decreased. I can also report that I will be doing way more stuff that makes my throat flutter and way less stuff that makes it tight – now that I know the difference! I am absolutely certain that this new body listening thing is going to make sharing my message powerfully even easier, now that I know how to hear the nuances. I wonder if you’ve got a signaling system in your body that could use some fine-listening? Something to consider.

I’m so curious… what signals does your body give you for “yes” and “no”? Does it ever confuse you? I’d love to hear about your body signals in the comments.

The Sultry Secret Spot in Your Message

There is a magic place inside of your presentation where immense desire dances with urgent need.

When you discover this place, excitement builds. The world around slips away and everyone is riveted, mesmerized, desperately seeking more, more, more… faster, faster, faster. When you play in this place, everything is possible and nothing else matters. Rationality falls away and clear thinking gets cast aside for the pure ecstasy of the dance. It is your ticket to the satisfaction you and your audience seek.

The way to this secret place is absolute and total focus on your audience.

You must know every curve of their wants and needs. You must explore their mind and heart with reckless abandon, willing to learn anything that is true for them as it relates to your offering. Your focus is all on them – their pleasure, their satisfaction.

When you find this secret place, you, too will find your own satisfaction.

It is here that you will feel your audience respond with abandon, opening to your message in ways you have never experienced. It is here in this fertile spot where your passion-driven message fulfills their great desire. When you find this spot and give it every ounce of energy, attention and love you’ve got, get ready for amazing things to happen.

This sultry secret spot is your Presentation G-spot Sweet Spot.

It is the magic place where your passionate message meets your audiences deep desire. It is worth the exploration for the magic. Trust me.

Thank you, Randy Son of Robert, for the glorious orchid image.

I Don’t Love Public Speaking

Did you know that?

Did you know that I actually do not love getting on stage, having the spot light on me, being the extreme center of attention?

I get on stage because it is such a powerful way to spread my message.

I get on stage for the ways I believe I can change lives. I get on stage because I want to share the ways of communicating in business that I have seen transform teams, presentations and client exchanges.

It’s not all altruism, of course.

I am giddy when I watch an audience members slow smile as I relay the precise, ineffective “Business Speak” that they have to hear droned about their company every day. I love when I see two people in the audience share a knowing glance and head nod as I talk about the horror of slides full of bullet points being read – verbatim – in a way-too-long company meeting. It feels awesome to have that kind of immediate feedback that what I am saying is resonating.

But ultimately, I get on stage because I really want to change the world.

I want to spread the word that there is a better way to live, to work, to talk with each other. And I know that those who don’t know about this better way yet aren’t stupid (of course they aren’t) – they are simply well-trained from a lifetime of boring business communication all around them. It’s not their fault. I want them to know there is a simple way to shift into effective, powerful, real communication – even in business.

There is no better medium that I know of for spreading a message far and wide than public speaking.

That’s why I gather my anxious butterflies into formation and hit the stage. It isn’t because I love being on stage for the activity of it. Though I do love the stage for the outcomes it produces. 

How about you? Why do you do what you do? Is it possibly not as obvious as we might think?

[Thank you, Joel Olives, for this breath-taking butterfly in flight image.]