Collaboration | Michelle Barry Franco | Presentation skills, writing and business growth for passion-driven solo and small business owners

How to Accept and Use Feedback From Others

As I’ve mentioned (kind of a lot now), I’ve just finished writing and producing this Vision Into Action program. As I’ve also mentioned, this is a much more intense project than I expected (though I am thrilled with the outcome, mind you.) There are multiple moving parts and the expertise and input of many smart people is needed to really hit this kind of project out of the park.

A truly great information product has all of the same elements that any other exceptional product has:

Great design
Ease of Use
Provides a fabulous experience
Solves the problem or Meets the desire that inspired its purchase

As the Author, It’s Hard to Know If You’re Getting It Right

The thing is, when you are the author and producer of said Great Information Product, it’s really hard to be sure you have hit all of these elements brilliantly. For me, having written every single sentence of the 30,000+ word guide that goes with Vision Into Action, there came a time when I simply could no longer hear the content as I read it to myself. I had lived, breathed, and relived every sentence so many times that I had no idea how to determine if, as a whole, the concept was being shared in the most useful way.

Ask for Feedback.

So, I had to ask for feedback. And I asked for it from quite a few people – busy, smart people who are in high demand in many areas of their lives. This is beyond the expertise that I hired people for such as the manuscript review, editing and design. This is the kind of feedback that you request for free.

Think Hard About Who You Ask for Feedback.

It’s a really big favor to ask – reading a book for someone before it is finished baking and asking for specific thoughts and ideas to make it better. You want to think hard about who you ask and how you ask them – then what you will do with the information when you get it. I learned a lot in the process of gathering feedback. I thought you might find it handy for your next creative endeavor requiring insight from others.

Here’s what I learned during my feedback gathering process:

1. Other people have really amazing ideas.

2. Some amazing ideas just don’t fit in this project.

3. Not everyone is going to get it. It matters that the Right people get it.

4. People can help you way better when you tell them exactly what will help the most.

5. A heartfelt thanks and an offer to reciprocate help works wonders.

Feedback Brings Amazing Ideas:

My feedback crew on Vision Into Action brought me some amazing ideas that I couldn’t possibly have thought of I hadn’t asked for their input. At least three of the most useful online tools I added to the exclusive web page that go with Vision Into Action were specific suggestions from the feedback crew. I am including an audio version of the DVD interview on the CD based on the insight from one feedback partner that some people will enjoy listening to the CD in their car. All of this, plus literally hundreds of text, storytelling and editing suggestions made this information product so much better than it would have been without their collaboration.

Some Ideas Simply Don’t Fit.

While the vast majority of ideas I got were integrated in some way into the product, there were suggestions that simply didn’t fit with the overall goal of the program. I had to remind myself regularly that, while my feedback partners are really smart people with fabulous ideas, I am the one who hold the Vision for this product. I need to stay clear and true to that Vision so as not to dilute it with the many different ideas and directions that creativity can take me and others involved.

Your Feedback Collaborators Really Need to Get It.

There were times during the process when I really lost my excitement for the whole thing. Fear would take over as I realized how much time, energy and resources I was expending to create this product. Intellectually, I know this is a normal part of creativity because I’ve experienced it before during my own projects and by watching clients go through this during consulting gigs with them. And yet – couple this low-point with feedback from someone who just doesn’t understand what you are trying to do and you can get sent reeling into Doubtville. This happened once to me. Luckily, the experience was unknowingly followed up by another smart person who totally got what I was trying to do and the energy of that collaboration pulled me up from the depths. Surround yourself with people who get what you are doing (note: this doesn’t mean they have to agree with everything you say and do – that’s not helpful – but they really should get the value you are adding and be a fan of it.)

Be Specific In Your Feedback Requests.

As I went through the feedback gathering process, I got way better at asking for specifically what I wanted from my collaborators. This helped my collaborators expend energy where it was most needed, instead of feeling responsible for finding every misspelling in the document (which was being handled by my brilliant copy-editor/husband.)

Give Genuine Thanks and Offer to Reciprocate.

I worried a lot about the huge favor I was asking of my friends and colleagues on this relatively large project. I knew the amount of work it entailed because I have been involved in feedback and editing of books for friends and colleagues. It’s not small commitment. But then I remembered how I felt, being invited into these really cool projects by people I liked and respected. It felt good – I felt valued and smart. I felt like I made a difference in a meaningful project for someone I cared about. Then I realized that my genuine thanks and offer to provide help on their next project was probably enough.

Every single time I invite others’ brilliance into a project, the outcome is beautifully enhanced. I wish that for you in your next creative adventure. I hope this helps you make the most of the collaborative opportunity.
Thank you, JacobB0tter, for the collaboration image.

4 Tips for Giving Writing Feedback to a Friend or Colleague

A few months ago I was asked by a friend for feedback on an article she was submitting to a major publication. My friend has a much fancier writing resume than I do. She’s written for – and been published in! - other fancy magazines and major city newspapers.

I don’t have all that great of writing credentials. (note: I have proudly written a number of articles for the excellent publication, True North Parenting magazine – and that’s the only thing that actually gives me official writing credentials at all. Well, except this blog. And that’s not exactly the same, as real as blogging is in it’s own right.)

An Honored Request for Feedback

Nonetheless, my friend honored me with a request to give her feedback on this article she was submitting. My friend is very smart and she was really useful for me in talking through my recent business renaming and rebrand. So, I wanted to be especially helpful. I felt like she was giving me the opportunity to rebalance the Contribution tables in our friendship. I’m a huge believer in balanced Contribution in relationships. Plus, since she’s so smart and all, I wanted her to think I’m smart, too.

Can you see where this is going maybe?

Feedback Hurl

She sends me her very personal essay-type article and guess what I did?

I feedbacked the hell out of it.

I made every grammar suggestion, every structure suggestion, and even praised every single part I thought was really well-written. When I was done, that article was damn decorated!

Don’t try to tell me I don’t do my fair share!

I was hurrying when I sent the feedback because I had to make it to my daughter’s dance recital. No time to think before sending.

Mistake #1 (actually Mistake #2- #1 being the whole feedback approach overall).

As soon as I closed my laptop, I had the thought “How would I feel if I received that feedback?”

Thunk. Gurgle. Ugh…

I’d feel like crap.

Is This Really Necessary?

Even more importantly, did she really need all of that feedback? Much of it was stylistic – she structures sentences differently than I do. Grammar isn’t hard and fast anymore. I got into teacher mode. Seven years of grading college student speech outlines and essays just walked right into this simple, friendly feedback request and took over.

My friend was reasonably polite about the whole thing. I got an email saying something about my feedback being the most extensive of all that she received. She noted that we must have significant “style differences” but she appreciates my input. It was fine. She was nice about it. But I felt like total dog doo-doo.

I sent her a sappy apologetic email and left her a voice mail that was even more desperate, apologizing for my idiocy, telling her how much I really liked the article (which I did!)

We recovered okay from the whole thing but it haunts me a bit – and I learned a huge lesson from it. Maybe it’ll be helpful to you as you venture into collaborative and supportive situations with colleagues.

Good Feedback Doesn’t Have to Hurt

In a nutshell, here are the principles I use in giving feedback to colleagues and friends now:

Ask them what kind of feedback they want. Are they looking for my sense or feeling when reading something or looking at their website or whatever their request? Or, do they want me to get detailed and nitty gritty?
Stay seated firmly in empathic position. From where are they coming on this? This project isn’t about me. It’s about them and their soul-driven goals. Start there and end there. Any other feedback isn’t relevant.
Have someone else read my feedback before I send it along. I can be very direct. I can lose the “feeling” part of things relatively easily, especially when I am in my own “zone” of Contribution. I love playing there and it takes on a life of its own. It is really helpful to have the perspective of a neutral-ish party to tell me how they would feel if they got this feedback from me.
Pay special attention the way I say things. Actually, I am really good at this and tend to do a good job of it (except sometimes when I feel it’s not getting through, then I can get a bit too pushy). But it serves to say it here and remember it always. So often, it is how you say something that matters.

When I think of giving feedback on things that are in my areas of Contribution, I often think of this quote by Marianne Williamson: (perspective note: I translate “God” here to mean a general sense of the Divine, however it is experienced by an individual)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3]) – Thanks WikiQuote, for housing this quote.

Feel Good Feedback that Helps, Too

It’s not so much that I think that giving feedback is “my light” and that I will bring insecurity to others, it’s just that I do believe in bringing brilliance, wherever I can. Brilliance like light, energy, fire, power, strength, brains. When asked for feedback, I want to give that.

That said, brilliance is a broad-reaching, multi-faceted thing. It’s about light, energy, fire, power, strength, and brains, yes. It’s also about relationships, support, love, fostering growth and building brilliance in others. In service of that whole package, maybe I don’t have to say everything that crosses my mind in the feedback opportunity. That’s the lesson I learned.

I’m way better at feedback now – just in case you ever plan to ask me for any.

What about you? What guides your feedback approach? Any tips I should add to my list?